Someone suggested I write a post talking about regret. Specifically, regrets about my life choices that ultimately resulted in ending up in my current career.
Where to begin?
First and foremost, high school. I regret not being a better student and not getting good grades. I spent too much time just screwing around. I never did homework, and half the time when I bothered to do it I wouldn't turn it in. I failed Algebra II my junior year, then had the same teacher my senior year. The second time around I actually tried my ass off, but still failed. She gave me a D so I could graduate, since she saw the difference from the year before but if I'd been in anyone else's class I would have been fucked.
The only classes I did really well in will probably not surprise anyone - English, Spanish, and all the art classes I took. Everything else I just kind of skated through, at best.
After graduating I didn't go directly to college. After getting out of the bad situations I was in and moving back in with my parents, I just worked shitty odd job after shitty odd job. Taco Bell was where I worked the longest during this time, and that was about 6 weeks or so.
After that I moved in with a friend from high school and spent most of the next two years stoned out of my mind. Major regret number two. We worked for a landscaper making $12/hour under the table. We worked about 10 hours a day six days a week, from late March to mid October. I don't even want to calculate how much money I made those two summers, because no matter how much it was (a shit ton) I have exactly nothing to show for it. I blew damn near every dime on weed and alcohol.
After moving back home yet again I met the girl I would end up spending the next seven years with and who I would be engaged to, Missy. She was going to Kent State, and encouraged me to enroll. These became regrets three and four.
There were so many things about my relationship with Missy that I regret that I couldn't even begin to list them. If I did, this post would become a novella. Let's leave it at that.
I really regret going to Kent. My instincts told me I wasn't ready to jump back into school, especially at a school with a reputation for being a party school. I got back into some bad habits, and while I didn't get back into drugs, I essentially drank myself out of school. Three years worth of tuition that is still hanging over my head. Three years of going to maybe a third of my classes each week. Three years of shoving my face into bottles and mugs full of beer and countless shots, usually tequila. Such a complete waste.
After Missy and I split, I actually kind of got my shit together. For a while, anyway. I moved in with my mom (my parents had divorced by then) and started working for my dad. After a few more alcohol related incidents that nearly landed me in jail and nearly cost me the relationship I'd finally built with my dad, I cleaned my act up completely.
One night I was out partying, and had no idea where the apartment I was in was located. No clue what city I was in. I called my dad to tell him that, yet again, I wouldn't be working that day. The next day when he picked me up, he told me (in a nutshell) shape up or piss off. It was a very calm conversation, but the meaning was very clear.
I worked for my dad for another year or so, and did not miss another day. Wasn't even late once.
Finally, at 29 years old, someone had gotten through to me.
Which is, without question, my biggest regret. There is no way to deny that I completely wasted a decade of my life. I can blame it on all the shit that came before, and that's certainly a big part of it. What it really boils down to, though, is that I was without question an alcoholic, too concerned with getting hammered to care about getting an education or finding a career.
A few months before I turned 30 I met my wife. While the past decade has certainly not been perfect by any means, it has definitely been much better, both personally and professionally. But that's a story for another day.
Title from "Seven Drunken Nights" by the Dubliners.
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