Interlude

I have a friend who very frequently speaks about wanting to kill himself. About how worthless he feels. How unnecessary his existence is. It happens with such frequency that many people simply ignore him. A complete boy who cried wolf situation. I don't want to be like that, because I know how exhausting it is for other people to try to talk a suicidal person out of their darkness.

I'm not sure I'm suicidal just yet, but I know I'm closer than I've been in years and I can't figure out why. My mood has been spiraling into darker and darker territory the past several days, but until today it's been a slow spiral that I've been able to manage. Not the case with today. Since I woke up today I've just been sinking like I've never done before. I can't pray, because I don't believe in God. My meds are getting me nowhere. I can't paint because my mother in law is a giant fucking slug and won't move out of my house and lives in my art room. So I have to write. Because it's the only thing that helps right now.

But is anybody even out there? Am I just shouting at shadows and imagining an audience? If that's the case, so be it. But the stats on my side of this blog say it's been viewed over 400 times. So where are you all?

I'm begging... I need to know someone is out there. You can leave comments anonymously, so whether you're a friend from work or a random stranger from across the continent please....


Please just say hi. I'm so alone right now.