One of the main reasons for writing my last post was to discuss why I didn't like sex. Then I spent most of it taking about the things I like about sex. Yeah, I'm a dumb ass.
As I said in the previous post, while I am a pervert and a flirt and talk about sex a lot, I don't actually enjoy having sex. While the reasons behind not enjoying getting head should be pretty obvious by now, the actual act of intercourse is only slightly more enjoyable for me.
Sex has always caused me a lot of anxiety. I become extremely self conscious and feel really awkward. One of the biggest complaints I've always gotten from women is that I'm too quiet during sex, because I don't make a sound. Several partners (my wife included) have commented that the only way they even know I'm having an orgasm is because my breathing changes very slightly.
At least this tendency to be silent is extremely easy to explain. The walls in our house were paper thin, so when I was a teenager I had to be quiet when I masturbated so my parents and sisters didn't know what I was doing. Also, I had to be quiet with Mark so anyone around didn't hear us.
I almost just wrote that sex doesn't really interest me, but that would be inaccurate. It certainly interests me, it doesn't excite me. The only time I'm really extremely excited about it is when I'm with someone for the first time.
The other thing I don't care for about sex is that it really just doesn't feel that great, to me. Orgasms border on painful, plus my body is such a fucking mess that there's really only one position that's comfortable. So it gets kind of boring, too.
I think the strangest thing about all this is that while I don't care for sex, I still masturbate at least once a day. Usually it's hiding in the bathroom right when I get home from work, and more often than not it's while imagining my wife with other people, usually men. Sure there are times when I'll think about different women from work or whatever, but I'd say at least 80% of the time I'm imagining the wife with another guy or several guys, and 15% of the time I'm thinking about her with other women, or another couple.
I'm sure you are getting sick of listening to me bitch, so I'll end this here. Hope I haven't chased too many people away with these last two posts.
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